Here are the most memorable comments of 2013: 

1.  “Views are excellent, but the rest of the house would benefit from freer use of nuclear weapons,” a Moscovite recited to us what should be done to a property in Kamares after viewing it with rival agency.

2.  “I am always looking at the position of the windows and mirrors, you know, from a Kama Sutra prospective…” A British lady gets Kama Sutra and Feng Shui mixed up (we hope).

3. “You know, before leaving the villa the ex-owners switched the antique ornaments on that shelf for empty cognac bottles...I think to replace them with Smirnoff,” said a wealthy Russian buyer with a chuckle.

4. “So what you’re really saying is you want our company to sell your property for twice its market value while you pick up a bargain with the proceeds?” asked our director.

“Yes,” answered a client with smug satisfaction.

5. A local Sunday afternoon telephone caller enquires, “I’m outside this luxury villa in Tala and I would like to view it now.”

A sale’s manager replies, “Sir, would you like to know how much it costs before viewing it?”

“No, I’m only looking...” answers a caller.

6. “I will buy this villa if I can keep those lamps,” requested a lady from Moscow.

7. A local buyer from Paphos asks on the phone, “How much is this apartment in Paphos?” Although we have very strict listing criteria, we normally have more than one apartment for sale.

8. “Sure, you can have a mortgage for your Cyprus holiday home, as long as the seller leaves the money with us on a minimum 12 months fixed deposit,” said with a friendly smile one employee of the bank. We thought Bank of Cyprus was having a laugh, but turns out they had plans...

9. “Can I pay for this apartment in 120 equal monthly installments?” asked one buyer, who didn’t want to use a bank loan.

“Eh... no,” was reply from our management.

10. “Tomorrow I am viewing with the developer, so I will let you know if I’m interested in your property,” says a Russian buyer. Normally we expect to see such buyers back in our office the day after tomorrow to purchase their Cyprus property at half of developer’s price.